Honey Toned Thoughts

JE TE VEUX

for Ben Teele

Side by side on your couch, we got as far

as "Je me suis ne—" when Lisa's stare broke 

the dark: Trick-or-Drink, my thirst steady 

rising I left, leaving my candy there.


Or maybe I didn't, since nothing-glasses, underwear, 

poems-of mine ever graced your room; the farthest

I got were hellos, quick hugs, fantasies, so chaste 

our exchanges. Oh, we could have made love, but for—


Still, I dreamt: seducing you in Dumas's tongue, 

seizing your cinnamon hips for a dance like those brave pairs 

who swirled across the ballroom. Appeasing 

abandoned gods I dared not. Then, you mounting the stairs


in Adams House, bones ascending stones, me freezing 

you in that snapshot, time's frieze: love's memory endures.

wow. i opened up to this page in Punks: New & Selected Poems by John Keene, winner of the 2022 National Book Award for Poetry – the french title caught my eye

Keene is a poet and novelist, award-winning at that, who explores queer love (and all the feelings that come along with it), black history, and other themes

i feel seen. i see myself in you, Keene. maybe it’s your way with words – almost erotic, yet holding back. innocent, yet inviting

Still, I dreamt: seducing you

cinnamon hips

mounting the stairs

your desire, unrequited or unfulfilled, paused and safely stored as a mental snapshot – so sure the memory will endure with time

the author writes through rose-colored glasses, the kind we’re all familiar with at the beginning of a romance. he pulls you in with the visual of sitting side by side – only to be interrupted and brought back to reality

the farthest

I got were hellos, quick hugs, fantasies, so chaste

our exchanges. Oh, we could have made love, but for—

the interruption. ufff. it allows for interpretation, a space to fill with your own memory of what almost was in your life and the reasons it ended. remembering brief moments with someone you desired, perhaps never got to share… bringing you into the next part: what never was

in today’s dating scene, there’s this new label for situations that begin but never really start: situationships

if you’ve been dating, you probably know the word

Dictionary.com defines it as: a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established

Reddit user ZaneDaPayne defines it as: the sweetest, warmest, most inviting trap you’ll ever get caught in. It’ll be the best thing ever, until it’s not and then it’s too late because you’re already caught

i love the latter definition

Or maybe I didn’t, since nothing-glasses, underwear,

poems-of mine ever graced your room;

it didn’t go far. not even enough to have entered your room. these might be my favorite lines because they’re so real. the absence of closeness never fully materialized. some past lovers of mine, i never even got to see parts as intimate as their room – not a single earring, sock, or shirt left behind to be remembered by

at the end of this poem, i’m not feeling loss. i’m not feeling like something was unfulfilled. i’m simply left with incompletion. kinda how situationships feel

let me know how you interpreted this poem

all the love,

yani