Honey Toned Thoughts

i recently found myself grieving a situation that was doomed from the start. has that ever happened to you? i knew it wasn’t for me but sometimes i just need the thrill of a faux budding romance

dating in this new world is so strange. i’ll admit, i definitely contribute to the strangeness… bringing strong lover girl energy to situations not meant to last. but, in the words of Sade, is it a crimeeeeeee?

the result: emotional whiplash. most of the time it’s not them – it’s me. my standards, allegedly too high, make it impossible for anyone to meet them (except for that one fine mexican/italian deputy in cali who lives too far). ultimately, i set myself up for disappointment

but here’s the thing, it’s not wrong to date the way you want. there’s no right or wrong. no standard too high. no timeline too short. none of dat. every experience matters. every connection leaves a mark, whether good or bad. things haven’t worked out for me recently simply because they weren’t ‘meant to be’ and honestly, i’m ok with that. why am i ok with that?

things i know for certain:

1. i show up authentically
2. i don’t fear expressing my emotions
3. i don’t hold back (if you say you miss me and the feeling is mutual, i will say it back)
4. i am as honest as i can be
5. i care deeply

i know how i show up when it comes to meeting new people, i can only hope people are showing up in a similar way but that’s not for certain

things i cannot control:

1. whether others are authentic
2. genuineness of their words
3. how deeply they care
4. where they are mentally when meeting me

so yes, i found myself grieving something short-lived but damn, can’t a girl gather artistic inspiration from miniature heart pangs? the music, the books, the motivation, the art, the stories – all cultivated by the pain – make it worth it. genuinely, whole heartedly, truly

anyway!

some lessons i’ve learned recently:

1. their love language is always physical touch
2. if they wanted to, they would
3. sad music = not over their ex
4. checking themselves out often/selfies = they think they’re the prize (eye roll)
5. the hotter, the dumber (sometimes)
6. formerly ugly —> great humor, smart, thoughtful, mildly insecure (yes i’m talking about me, but it’s ok i’m sexy now)
7. never ugly —> not really funny, rarely the smartest, care too much physical appearances
8. once a cheater……
9. gym rat —> always horny (me, again sorry im learning about myself too!)
10. don’t date below your standards

dating is subjective. the point is to find someone who aligns with your needs while reasonably providing for theirs. don’t stay with someone if they’re not meeting your needs – the last thing anyone wants is built-up resentment

my unsolicited advice: don’t allow yourself to stay in a situation you wouldn’t want your bestie (or someone you love) to stay in. take the advice you’d give them and apply it to yourself

love yourself queen (or king)

with LOVE,

yani